She Wore THAT on Her Wedding Day??!!

So . . . some of my husband's friends and associates are sketchy at best ;), and a group text popped up on our computer about gender reassignment surgery. I was out of the room, but my son was at the computer. When I came into the room, I saw that there was a graphic video of gender reassignment surgery open in the text. I quickly closed it, hoping that my son hadn't paid too much attention to it. But . . . he had (side note, why is it that children pay zero attention when we want them to, and have laser like focus when we don't? haha). And, the question came:

"Mom, do people have surgery to change their gender?"

'Oh, boy, here we go,' I thought. 'Heavenly Father, please help me know what to say.' -- And he did. And I want to share that with you, b/c it was spot on . . . I think . . . lol

Instead of answering his question directly, I opened up the scriptures to Corinthians 14:33, and had Stephen read.

"For God is not the author of confusion," he read in his perfect, childlike voice.

Afterwards, we talked a little about the confusion that is going on around us (including gender identity issues), and how it was not from God. I reminded him how he used to love to dress in his girl cousins' fairy, and princess clothes when he was very young. But, as he got older, I sat him down and explained to him that those clothes were for girls, and that he was a boy. 

That one conversation put an end to him dressing up in girls' clothes. I even heard one of his girl cousins try to convince him to dress up with her. From the other room, I heard him say to his cousin, "No, those clothes are for girls!" and he hasn't wanted to dress up like that since (I realize for some children, the desire is much stronger and hard to understand and know what to do, but for Stephen, it was a simple, "Those clothes are for girls, not boys." and it was a done deal).

I explained how some parents wouldn't have taught him that, and might have even encouraged his wearing of girl clothes, and it might have brought on a lot of confusion. After talking a little more about some of the confusion going on in the world around us, I then asked him what the most important commandment was. 

"To love God," was his answer.

Then I asked what the second most important commandment was. He said, "To love our neighbor."

Then we talked about how God wants us to treat people, even those who may seem confused. 

"With love," Stephen answered correctly (he's so smart). 

"Does love mean staring at someone, laughing, or not talking to them?" I asked.

"Nope," Stephen answered. "You should be nice."

"Does love mean saying, 'You go girl! Your rock that dress!' to a boy, if you think it isn't what is best for them?"

"No," Stephen said (A+).

I explained that love doesn't mean celebrating something we don't believe in, or think is best for someone. But to always, always be nice to the person. Say, "Hi, how are you?"; smile at someone, even if they appear to be living in a way you are taught not to, perhaps, especially if they are. 

I then explained how, during a trip with friends, I saw a boy dressed up in high platform shoes, and tight, girl clothing. As he walked by, I could see he seemed hostile, and angry even (not making this up to prove my POV, it's just the truth). He was probably used to ugly stares and feeling judged, I thought. 

Then I told my son, though I find it hard to smile at someone who seems like they might be rude back, I chose to smile at this man. I felt good about my choice. This person seemed to need love, and I gave it, in my small way.

Then I told him how later on that day, I was walking with my friends down a crowded, shop lined street, and saw a bride walking with her groom (we were in St. Augustine, a super popular wedding destination). She was wearing a very revealing, and to me, extremely distasteful wedding gown. 'I mean, you're a bride, you're wearing white! That is the color of purity, and you look like you are heading to a club!' The judgmental and rude thoughts swirled around my mind as I, and everyone around me, seemed to stare at this bride, shouting abuses at her with our eyes. The bride walked quickly, with her head down, seeming to sense the judgement oozing from the crowd around her. 

I looked back on that experience later that night and was filled with shame for my actions. I wished so badly that I would have called out, "Congratulations!!" to the new couple as loudly and with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.  Instead, I was a part of a group of people that were hurtful and rude to a bride on her very special day. 

"Now," I said to my son. "It wouldn't have been appropriate, or truthful for me to say, 'I love your dress!' to the bride. And I didn't have to say that to show love. But I could have congratulated them on the beautiful thing that had happened that day -- their wedding! But I didn't. Instead, I chose to judge her and to show hate instead of love."

My son seemed to really get that, and kept repeating how bad he felt for that bride. I felt bad too, I assured him. Because it wasn't right. 

As Christians, God asks us to show love. Not to show acceptance of sin. But in an effort to not accept sin, many times, we make the same mistake of the Pharisees and Sadducees, and show hate to those who need love the most. 

Luke 10:

27 Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

28 . . . this do, and thou shalt live.